You don't phone people in the ordinary way; you enter Codec frequencies into your phone and wonder why you're not getting through to people
You name your children after characters, particularly if you give them codenames
After playing MGS2 you buy yourself a directional microphone to eavesdrop on people's conversations
In fact you feel the need to own binoculars, thermal goggles and night vision goggles and keep them on your person at all times
You join the army expecting to be able to carry around several handguns, rifles, missile launchers, rations, body armour, goggles etc. in various pouches with ease
When you get hurt you scream 'The pain... THE PAIN!... THE PAAAIIIN!!!
You want to enter Robot Wars with a Metal Gear Mk II
Your iPod can't fit any more MGS music on it
You throw things as distractions so you can get by unnoticed
You've read all of "In The Darkness of Shadow Moses" and thought it was fantastic
You roll or cartwheel to get through a crowd, or swing past on a gantry
You've earned yourself the Big Boss codename on both MGS and MGS2
You play a game in one sitting
You single-handedly tried to get the Snake Eater single into the Top 10
You build Metal Gear Lego
When you see a pen lying around you get the urge to thrust it into your neck
You still try to fire the Stinger at Gray Fox even though Snake "can't do it!"
You play all the games over and over again until you earn yourself all the codenames
You've pondered over the Solidus' name for a while, and in your mind he should still be called Gaseous
You've bought Easter Island statuettes and hidden them around your house (I recommend the Spring/Summer 2009 Argos catalogue for these things)
You're going to visit all the locations of the games
You own a FOX-HOUND style trenchcoat
You own a sneaking suit
You don't walk; you sneak
You get your daughter and your niece confused
All your birthday presents are related to Metal Gear
You're convinced Solidus is a state of matter
You have your own MGS site (oh dear)
You know the names of all the levels in MGS3, and more importantly, you know how to spell them all without really having to think about it
You wonder why a box with "To Work" on does nothing but attract strange looks
You've made your own Baker-style optic disc which must be kept very safe
You keep a PAL key on you somewhere where no one will find it
At airports you get the mad desire to jump onto the baggage reclaim conveyor belt and hide in a red, yellow or blue box
You got arrested for bungie jumping off the George Washington bridge
You completely understand all of the plotlines
You check job ads for "Patriot" or "Philanthroper"
You eagerly go up to children's face painters and ask for designs like "Splitter" or "Infinity"
You would gladly buy a Raikov mask and wear it in public
Your answerphone message is "This is Raven's territory...send him a message" recorded from the game
Your friends can't shut you up about Metal Gear f***ing Solid!
Even if your girlfriend had been knocked out, shot, captured and tortured in the last few hours, she'd still be the one to drive you both home
Your Metal Gear fanfics are as long as "In The Darkness of Shadow Moses"
You have a radio station called FOXALIVE which broadcasts Metal Gear stuff
You've somehow made your friends just as obsessed
Your girlfriend seems to become more and more like Rose every day
Your hair changes colour when you cut it
You keep your keys at different temperatures
You've built a working Codec and it's in your ear at the moment
You've changed your name to David
You can understand why negotiations with 2005's President must have been such a headache for everyone
You've controlled a tank, a giant robot, a snowmobile, a dog sled, a jeep, a Harrier, and a helicopter, and you're wondering what next
You tried to enter the Eskimo-Indian Olympics
You've written a sequel and tried to send it to Konami
You've rewritten "In The Darkness of Shadow Moses" from the perspective of another character
You've entered competitions related to MGS
You've heard the mono-only piece of speech in MGS
Now that you know there's a mono-only piece of speech, you've replayed the game in mono sound to listen out for it
Your car is now known as the Shagohod
If Snake can break handcuffs, so can you!
You've looked for Shadow Moses, if only on a map
You've lost your keys in radioactive waste before now
You've memorised the SNAKE EATER acronym
You've decked out your desk at work with all the action figures
You are an absolute master at all the VR Training levels in all the games
You have a Nokia phone so you can have the game Snake, which you've now renamed "Snake Eater"
You use Metal Gear fonts on your computer
Your ambition is to become famous, go on "I'm a Celebrity" and then live out a couple of weeks as if you're playing Snake Eater
You're now addicted to Ape Escape but it doesn't hold the same appeal without Snake in it
You tried to call George "Dubya" Bush to demand corpses, vaccines and $1bn from him - you may well have succeeded
Ships should be called "Discovery"
You've waited for hours in the Heliport for the Hind to come back
You wonder how Liquid got up on top of REX with Snake and Meryl, and wondered where Meryl was before REX got destroyed
You try to work out where on the base all the terrorists are at any particular moment
You've looked for Volgin's room
You hide Easter Island statues and/or Kerotans around the house/garden/street
You buy any video game magazine with Metal Gear even mentioned on it
You often quote random proverbs at people
You would just love to be cornered by Sniper Wolf, knocked unconscious by a FAMAS rifle and then strapped to Ocelot's torture device
You wonder if one of your friends is actually Decoy Octopus
You walk into a room expecting everything to go black and the name of the room to appear
"Welcome, Kasak" is one of your greetings
You shout "Brother!" at your brother all the time, or worse, at anyone
You name your kids/pets/cuddly toys after characters in MGS
All you need is scattered around for you to find in boxes
Your little sister is now known as EE
Fatman starts looking attractive
Snake in The Simpsons is a favourite character just for his name
You end phonecalls with "Goodbye, Mr President"
You live off Instant Noodles now (and didn't before!)
You've become a bee-keeper because you love The Pain so much
You spend nights tossing and turning, trying to work out what Metal Gear design would actually succeed in destroying Snake
You have self-lighting cigarettes
You keep looking for a blue transparent cone sticking out of the ground to run into
You've seen all six of Meryl's workouts
You know all of Nastasha's lines
You know all of Mei Ling's proverbs and have done research on them
You can recall all the differences between MGS and The Twin Snakes
You keep bullets between your fingers to be more like Volgin
You have operating theatre lights over your bed
You've made your own AC!D cards and games to play with them
You have been to the doctor to try and get a vaccine against FOXDIE
You have flashbacks of events you didn't witness
You have a dog named Rex, a fish named Ray and a goose called Gander
You spray hair spray on car batteries mistaking them for Fatman's bombs
You've edited Konami staff ghosts into your photographs
You make MGS puppets, much like the Potter Puppet Pals (see YouTube)
You've gone over the 100% complete mark in Special Missions
You buy consoles just to play Metal Gear games (guilty!)
You wear an eye patch, but can't decide between Big Boss and Solidus so you stumble around with two eyepatches
You drew on Liquid's tattoo... or you asked a tattoo artist to do it professionally by showing him a screenshot
The word "mailing" excites you and reminds you of Mei Ling
You get a dog tag engraved with a character name even though it costs £8!! Damn it! (Can you tell I've done this? No prizes for guessing the name I got!)
You want ravens (or a parrot... or a hawk... or wolves) to start following you around
You don't trust the government, but only because they are probably concealing a nuclear walking battle tank
You've played Snake's Revenge
You ask random strangers if they're called Ames
You crawl and dress accordingly to increase your camo index
A crack in the pavement causes you to get out your cigarettes to check for infrared beams
You go to an anime convention just to look for Otacon
You do the Snake/Otacon handshake from MGS2 with a friend of yours
You are often seen doing Ocelot's trademark pose from MGS3
You walk underneath surveillance cameras
You chat people up with the line "Can I have your Codec frequency, only I've lost mine"
You are convinced Ocelot will steal your arm when you're dead
You assign different characters to your friends and then all act accordingly
You are disappointed to learn that Elton John was not singing about a rocket launcher, so you adapt its lyrics
You bought the Snake Eater single from Japan
You rewrite song lyrics so that they are now about MGS
You buy MGS strategy guides in languages you don't understand
You own all the action figures and re-enact scenes from the games with them
You buy the same game for all the platforms it's released on
You've memorised all the Codec frequencies you'll ever need
You hide in a locker when your boss/teacher is coming
Although you bought a Gamecube so you could play The Twin Snakes, you then discovered the FOX-HOUND silver Gamecube and bought that too
You're now a smoker who doesn't shave very often and who wears a blue bandanna
You repeat statements as one word questions
You take a torpedo or helicopter to work
You crawl on noisy floors
You don't read movie reviews anymore, you just look to Paramedic's recommendations
You've drawn on the scars of Major Zero/Colonel Volgin
You don't use make up like other women do; you use shoe polish instead
Carrying items reduces your stamina, but keeping them in your backpack doesn't
You believe you'll come back after you die unless you're tortured to death
Diarrhoea is now known to you as Johnny Sasaki Syndrome
You're one of those people who has filmed yourself sneaking around dressed as Snake in public and uploaded it to YouTube
You can beat all the Metal Gear RAYs on Extreme
You can cartwheel with no hands, but only if you're naked
You read too far into Chemistry lessons on the states of matter, and manage to get the word "Snake" into your homework
You can duplicate any character's voice
You've learnt to juggle revolvers
Pressing a button enables you to skip other people's boring phone conversations
You can quote any line from any game
You don't get tired or slow down running up the steps of a huge tower
You bought ZOE and took it back promptly when you found the demo of MGS2 had been left out
You breathe like Psycho Mantis
You think you can float like Psycho Mantis
You buy different versions of the same game (e.g. Platinum)
You call your boss "Colonel"
You find it weird moving in first person view
You're known by your mates as Snake and force your girlfriend to change her name to Meryl and get a FOX-HOUND tattoo
You got into science to help mankind, only to learn that that's just in the movies
You plan to join the military for no other reason than to be more like Snake
You have tried to contact Konami about some rather minor detail
You went to find the Konami offices where Metal Gear was born
You don't want anyone to spot your footprints
You are stalking Hideo Kojima
You quote MGS characters in everyday conversations
You believe that painting Japanese characters on your face will give you infinite ammo/stationery/money etc.
You carry a plastic sword and pretend to fight Solidus
You salute the MGS Main Theme at the end and stand with some sense of patriotism
You cry at all the deaths
You design new Metal Gear robots
You really want to try a Calorie-Mate
Your dreams often include bizarre situations with MGS characters which is completely normal for you
MGS has inspired you to learn a language like Japanese or Russian
Even if you're looking for it, you're surprised to see "Metal Gear!"
You begin to grow suspicious that everyone you meet must somehow be closely related to you
Everyone is actually conspiring against you
Ocelot has made you a huge fan of Country and Western films
Once you've spoken to someone on the phone, they're automatically stored in your phonebook and you can't remove them
You work out in order to be strong enough to lift a gatling gun or rail gun
Everyone seems to be dying of a heart attack near you and you're sure your infected with FOXDIE
People pour out their life stories to you before they die
Complete strangers seem to have a hell of a lot to say to you
You secretly would be over the moon to meet Raiden if he actually existed
You wonder what this nonsense disclaimer about everything being fictional is actually about - you've met Snake!
Stun grenades stun everyone in the vicinity except you
When a character is a spitting image of someone you know, you have a new found respect (or hatred?) for them - this is true of The Boss and my old Geography teacher!
The safest route into any building is the air vent
There is nothing out of the ordinary about a cardboard box which is always a few feet behind you and breathes in cold weather
You know everyone who worked on the games and what their roles were
- When someone calls you whom you don't know, they become known to you as Deepthroat
- Your phone's ringtone is the same as the Codec's (thanks Damien King!)
You killed your father, then your brother wanted revenge because he wanted to do that (gee, I hope you woke up and found that was a dream!) (thanks Cyclorama Henri Ikhsan Pratama!)
You dream of hijacking Arsenal Gear, capturing someone, taking all their clothes and equipment and strapping them to an unused torture machine (did this happen to you? - thanks Rheiss Kasjan!)
You have Metal Gear dates included on your calendar
By way of introduction, you grab a person's groin to make sure they are who you think they are (or the sex they say they are)
You paint a raven on your forehead, or worse, get a tattoo done
Doors are hidden behind bookcases in your house
Elevators open immediately if you press the button twice
Every room in your house has a security level
Food increases your stamina but water is not an essential part of your lifestyle or diet
Any game that is not Metal Gear related is unworthy of your attention
After playing AC!D, you need cards to dictate what you can do next
You now only skate on oil rigs
You are slowly becoming more and more like Snake every day
Lockers are a good place to hide
You run around naked because you think you're wearing Stealth camouflage
Bandannas are the new black
You are convinced you're a clone of your father and must find the other clones to kill them off
Hanging from things will level up your grip meter
For birthdays you send MGS postcards complete with quotes of that character on the back
You're annoyed that most other video games use X as their main selection button
You are paranoid about the Patriots
You fantasise about characters
The military is now something you are incredibly familiar with
Your specialist subject on Mastermind would be Metal Gear
You've written Codec frequencies in your phone book just in case
If one of your friends develops a headache or starts acting strangely, you knock them out and start looking for Psycho Mantis
Someone always seems to be screaming "Snaaaaaaaaaake!"
You see everyday cardboard boxes in a new light
You sometimes fall to pieces in public, smack your head on the ground and scream "The mediciiiiine!"
When a character name crops up in a normal sentence, you get really excited
You do a degree in Genetics just to understand Naomi Hunter
You wonder why uprooting plants in the garden doesn't turn them into boxes of food
You have your own codename which everyone must call you by
You spend hours planning sequels and their characters, terrorists' supernatural abilites, weapons, locations and plot twists
You send a Valentine's card which says on the cover "I'm going to send you a love letter, my dear. Do you know what that is?" and on the inside completes: "It's a bullet straight from my gun to your heart", much to the distress of the recipient (see if MoonPig can sort something out for you)
You see potential sneaking suit designs when browsing wet suits
You've wondered what Liquid would have done next had he won the final battle
You just know that you're one of the characters
You stack up boxes 2x2x2 in the attic and pretend to fight Raven
You stress for days trying to work out where Liquid went after leaving the torture room via the lower door on the Twin Snakes
You set up your own PAN network system in your house, much to the annoyance of your family
You run up behind complete strangers and tell them to "Freeze!"
You have a white haired wig which you wear when you feel like being Raiden
You have a selection of wigs which enable you to do different things
You speak like Naomi, and no one, not even yourself, understands what you are talking about
You refuse to believe that someone identical to you could possibly be your twin
You refuse to believe the strategy guide until you've counted all the gun cameras in the Warehouse North for yourself
Laser tag is not just a fun activity anymore, it's a matter of life and death
Paintballing is your chance to live out MGS3 and you take it very seriously
You know where all the mistakes and errors are in the games
You can only hold two things at once
Everyone around you is your enemy, and is probably Russian
Ketchup is no longer for eating; it's for faking a fatal wound
You have tried to fake a wound by crushing a bottle of Ketchup under your prone body (which was hard enough), but then got a real wound from the shards of glass
Your brother seems to be invincible
All your friends are starting to betray you
You don't walk downstairs, you either roll or hang over the banister and let go
You intend to rebuild Mother Russia
You contact MGS voice actors
You're out and you get a strong desire to get out a knife and cut down loads of random fruits and mushrooms then proceed to eat them (and get food poisoning)
You wear a MGS dog tag all the time, except when someone holds you up for it!
You sit in the boot of a car in a cardboard box, hoping not to be spotted
Someone puts you forward to save the world
People call you to explain how to climb ladders
You expect to have a rather small field of vision
When the phone rings, you instinctively place a hand to your ear
When there's nothing on TV, you don't watch a movie, you watch the Demo Theatre
You dress as a Metal Gear character
You've tried to make your own Chaff Grenades or Cardboard Box (I'm sorry if I'm to blame)
You're reading this list with concern that it sounds a lot like you
You apply for a job in FOX-HOUND
You own all the merchandise you can lay your hands on
Your ringtone is the MGS main theme
You are annoyed with restaurants that do not have snakes on the menu
Your social life flourishes more in Metal Gear forums that in the real world
You stuff other people in lockers
Your only requirement for a boy/girlfriend is that they play MGS
The Pringles logo reminds you of Revolver Ocelot
You hide in cardboard boxes
"Raiden" is an insult
You are strangely in love with Roy Campbell, Jim Houseman or Kenneth Baker
You spend ages thinking of a lot of things that are missing from this list
Saving the world just isn't a big deal any more
You want nanomachines injected into your blood
If someone spots you, you go into various modes but return to normal living once Caution Mode is over
Anyone wearing glasses is known to you as Otacon, EE or The Sorrow
Sod console wars - any console with a Metal Gear game is worth owning!
Your friends are slowly leaving you because of this unhealthy obsession
It's got to the point now when you're so obsessed that you talk to your doctor about treatment
You won't go to a doctor unless their name is Dr Hunter
You don't mind if you go mad because of this obsession, just so long as you go mad in the same vein as Gray Fox
You think everyone's carrying dog tags and items that you'll need
You sneak around school or work holding people up for their items
You make phonecalls crouching
The world seems to stop everything while you are talking on the phone
Taking a minor injury after smoking for five minutes means instant death
You wonder why people don't have punctuation above their heads
You've read this far down
You can add to this list with personal experiences
You print this list and use it as a checklist
You are influenced to try some of the things on this list
